


and the tattooed mistakes are gonna fade over time

by phebpheb13



Category: The Magicians (TV)
Genre: AAAAAAAH, Angst, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Not Canon Compliant, canon compliant until after 4x13, no beta we die like men, post 4x13
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-27
Updated: 2020-01-27
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:09:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22434682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phebpheb13/pseuds/phebpheb13
Summary: She wasn’t certain about her relationship with the new Marina. Then again, she wasn’t sure about her relationship with the old Marina, either. They had been the most dangerous type of friends, where she couldn’t bring herself to hate Marina no matter what she did.
Relationships: Marina Andrieski/Julia Wicker, Quentin Coldwater & Julia Wicker
Comments: 5
Kudos: 26





	and the tattooed mistakes are gonna fade over time

Quentin died. Julia didn’t. The world kept turning, which came as a shock, because a world without him was incomprehensible. When she finally managed to get to sleep that first night, she expected never to wake up again (and that was fine with her). But then she woke up, and the sun was still in the sky and his name was still in her recent calls and everything still hurt. She kept kissing Penny, partly because she couldn’t think of anything else to do. Everything was different, but it was also the same, sickeningly so. Quentin’s coffee mug stayed in place for three weeks (nobody could bring themselves to dispose of a reminder of him). The group continued going on adventures, but she never offered to go, and they didn’t ask (it was always his story, not hers). They tried talking to her about it, but it only made her feel worse. She didn’t want to remember him, but she didn’t want to forget him either. Every reminder of him hurt, but all the evidence that the world was moving on hurt too, and she was so, so sick of it.   
She was scrolling through her old texts (thinking about Quentin was an irresistible torture), when her eyes landed on a name she hadn’t heard in a while. Marina. She wasn’t certain about her relationship with the new Marina. Then again, she wasn’t sure about her relationship with the old Marina, either. They had been the most dangerous type of friends, where she couldn’t bring herself to hate Marina no matter what she did. And that had ended the only way it could’ve (neither of them could have stopped that dance of shattering apart and shoving back together). Even though she knew that cursed plan couldn’t end well, she was still surprised to find Marina’s body on the floor. It had felt impossible for Marina Andrieski, top bitch of New York, to die. She had just been alive (it had felt that way with Quentin too). It had hurt more than she expected, Marina dying, and nobody else understood. Kady seemed relieved, even. And then Marina 23 had shown up, and didn’t know her (but that wasn’t true, because Marina, any version of her, knew Julia better than almost anyone- better than anyone, now). And they had had that one day where it felt like it did with Marina 40 (terrifying and dangerous, but also inexplicably safe), and then there was everything with the memories. She was told Marina was there, but she must’ve missed her.   
In all her thinking, she hadn’t noticed her finger, always with a mind of its own, about to tap call. Who knows if Marina 23 even has the same phone? _It can’t hurt_ , she thought (who was she kidding, everything hurts).   
The phone rang. Once. Twice. Three times.   
“Julia,” a familiar voice said. “What a surprise.”   
“Marina.”  
“Correct. So what do you want? I have the feeling you didn’t call just to say my name in a slightly surprised tone of voice.”  
“I can’t tolerate anyone else’s company at the moment.” She held her breath at the pause that followed (just saying that had been a terrifying admission).  
“I’ll text you a location pin. Bring coffee.”  
“Okay. Thank you.”   
Twenty minutes later, she found Marina sitting on a bench in Central Park. When she caught sight of Julia, she patted the bench next to her.   
“What happened?” Marina asked. “You look like you haven’t slept in weeks.”  
“Quentin died.”  
“Who?” The relief that flooded through Julia upon hearing her say that was inexplicable, but it was enough to loosen the tension that had been inside her since he died.   
“He was my best friend.” She proceeded to tell Marina about Quentin, about their entire friendship from start to finish. And she listened. She listened to Julia talk about this person who she had never met, and by all logic of Marina shouldn’t’ve cared about (then again, whenever she thought she had Marina figured out Marina would go and do something that would completely change everything she thought she knew). After she was done, after she had put everything she had kept inside out into the universe, she gathered the courage to look at Marina.  
“You’re important, too,” Marina said.  
“What?”  
“You were talking about him as if he’s some, I don’t know, all powerful deity, but you’re the one who ascended into godhood. Don’t forget it.” Marina stood up, and started walking away. “See you tomorrow.” Even though that should’ve surprised Julia, it felt completely natural. Of course they would see each other tomorrow. Why wouldn’t they?  
She did see Marina the next day, and the one after, and after, and after. She didn’t talk about Quentin after that first day. She talked about everything else, and sometimes Marina even asked questions about her life (this would be surprising, if not for the fact that Marina was sitting there in the first place being surprising enough). Some days they didn’t even talk. But they kept coming back. It took a month before Marina started talking about herself. Little things about how hard it was to keep control of the other hedges, and how they still thought she was Marina 40.   
One Tuesday, something was different. Marina looked apprehensive, like there was something she wanted to say but couldn’t figure out how. They sat there in silence for ten minutes before Marina started speaking.  
“I don’t know if Marina 40 told you anything about before I was a hedge.”  
“She didn’t. You don’t have t-”  
“Please stop talking before I lose the nerve to say this.”  
“Okay.”  
“My dad died before I was born. I had a sister, an older one. Her name was Ashley. She took care of me, basically. Mom was very very angry all the time. She made us do everything around the house, from cooking to cleaning to taxes, and would hit us if we didn’t. One day I thought it was a good idea to talk back to her, so she got a knife. She would’ve killed me, but Ashley stepped in so she killed her instead. I ran. I was twelve. I lived on the streets for two years. Then I learned about magic, and my talent with it, and that was enough to keep me off the streets until Brakebills. You know what happens next.”   
Julia didn’t know what to do, so she followed her instincts and took Marina’s hand.  
“I’m so sorry,” she said.  
“I didn’t tell you this for sympathy,” she replied (she never explained why she did), but she didn’t pull her hand away,

“Where do you go every day?” Penny asked her one evening.  
“I see Marina.”  
“Marina? Really?”  
“Yeah.” Julia suddenly felt put on the defensive, like she had done something wrong. “Why?”  
“No reason. How’s her girlfriend doing?” Marina had never mentioned a girlfriend.

“I was talking to Penny the other day,” she said one afternoon. “And he asked how your girlfriend is doing.”  
“I don’t have a girlfriend,” Marina replied coolly, and Julia knew not to press the subject.

On the topic of Penny, it was around that time she noticed he was being weird. She would say something, and he would look at her confusedly, like he was expecting something else, then shake his head and turn away.  
“He thinks you’re Julia 23,” Marina said simply when she told her, “and whenever you do something 23 wouldn’t have done, he gets surprised.”  
“Oh.”  
She broke up with him that afternoon (at least that didn’t seem to surprise him).   
“I’m not your Julia,” she had said. “Your Julia was in love with you.” The words felt mean, but she didn’t mean them that way, and thankfully he understood.

Somehow the idea wormed its way into her head that kissing Marina would be a good idea. She tried to fight it off, because that was a terrifyingly bad idea. Marina isn’t someone you develop feelings for, and she’s definitely not someone who can be kissed. But the idea stayed, as stubborn as ever. So she did the only thing that one can do when they have a terrible idea that they can’t get rid of. She went through with it.  
It was a cloudy Thursday, and she had been silent for fifteen minutes trying to convince herself not to do it.   
“What’s wrong?” Marina asked. “I haven’t seen you this worried in a while.”   
Before she could stop herself, she did it. She kissed Marina, and Marina kissed back, and it was earth-shatteringly real, and every emotion she had ever felt was colliding right then and there.  
“Took you long enough,” Marina said with a smirk when she pulled away. And they kept seeing each other, and kept kissing, and everything was blurry and dangerous but she was the most alive she had ever felt.   
“You asked about my girlfriend,” Marina said. “A while back.”  
“Yeah?”  
“It was you,” she said, looking away. “Of course, I couldn’t tell Penny that, because he thought he was in love with you, so I made up some bullshit about timelines.”  
“Oh,” she replied, and that was that.  
Julia moved into Marina’s apartment two weeks later. It was barely even discussed, she just showed up and never left.   
Marina was beautiful and terrible and they were so, so complicated together and everything she knew told her that they were not made to mix but here they were, and they were both too stubborn to give up on it. And why would they? Being with Marina was real and breathing and painful and everything she never knew she needed. And she still missed Quentin, because he had been her best friend and that can never go away, but the world kept turning, and the sun kept rising and she kept waking up next to Marina. She could live with that.


End file.
